The Half-Blood Prince

The Prince is Wizard Lickable

No Defence Against A Dark Heart

The same 'thesnapelyone' from LJ, which should be obvious even to the most dunderheaded of readers.

All previous published works have been moved to this journal and can be found below. All new material will be published here.

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February 13th, 2009

Boredom at work

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Boredom and Snapely are sour bedfellows. They produce things like this.

While working on a program brochure, this turned up in my rough draft:

'The Population of the United States is expected to increase from about 192 million to 220 million to the year 2010. This will increase demand for clowns who wear funny noses, and the industry for long, skinny balloons is projected to triple.'

and:

'Small mammals are the largest group of trade workers, with well over 100,000 jobs that are expected to be stolen from their oppressive human overlords every year.'

November 21st, 2008

Grrr!

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Yesterday I saw a commercial for a new(!) Alvin & the Chipmunks album. The theme song plays for a bit, as do a few snippets of some truly ear-bleeding covers of pop songs that should never - never - have been recorded. Ever.

In my opinion, the majority should have never been recorded even by the original artists, but that's beside the point. So is the WTF-ery of Jason Lee appearing in that movie.

The point is, thanks to that stupid commercial, I had the Alvin & the Chipmunks theme song stuck in my head all day yesterday. It was painful. It was gut-wrenching. In fact, my stomach was very sensitive yesterday and today, and I am prepared to argue that it was the song's fault. Satan's own lullaby.

Today, I woke up, the song was gone. Hallelujah! I listened to Rage Against the Machine and Prozzak on the way into work, and all was well.

Until this late afternoon, when I am happily tormenting K with my long-buried Southern twang, making up inane songs about students I am entering into Infinite Campus. I know it was revenge when she looked at me and said, "Well at least you got Alvin & the Chipmunks out of your head," with such deceptive innocence.

WHAM! "We're the Chipmunks..." blares to life in my brain. I clutch my skull and bash my head into the desk, shrieking, to a backdrop of K's laughter.

Horrible woman!

November 3rd, 2008

HACK

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This cold better not turn into bronchitis.

I called in sick today. I was leery of doing so because I don't know how they're going to find a sub for me tonight, and then what will they do???? But I called and K didn't even recognize my voice. I suppose that's a good sign that you're too conjested to function?

Wow, being awake for an hour has worn me out.

The thing that pisses me off is that I haven't exersized in 6 days, and I was just really getting into the good swing of things where it's fun and you enjoy it... this has so set me back. But, Kr's Gryffindork scarf has seen a lot of progress over the weekend, and so has the Sooper Sekrit Holiday Gift of +5 Awesomeness, which is good, because they're both big projects. The SSHG+5A is literally big, and the scarf is just tedious. Stockinette stitch for a million rounds with nothing to look forward to but getting to change colors intermittently. I really can't stand that. Kr is lucky that I like her Gryffindor ass, seriously, because no one else, ever, is getting one of these damn scarves. Although they did inspire me for another project of my own design. That is certainly not a scarf because scarves are evil.

No matter how many different, interesting, unique, beautiful scarf patterns I see, they are never amazing enough to tempt me. I have knit like four scarves ever, and that is my quota for life. Death to scarves! Damn you scarves and your practicality! Damn your warmth-bringing qualities and fashionability that make you so fun to wear! Let us gather together all of the scarves in the land and burn them! B U R N T H E M!

Oh no, I could never be sucked into an evil cause on a tide of senseless brutality ever, why do you ask? Like I'm so easily enraged by the mundane that channeling that anger towards a more sinister cause is just a step away? Sha.

Truthfully, before I got my cold, I was feeling a lot more peaceful and anger-free in general. Between breathing exersizes, meditation, regular exersize, and the mosh pit where people are free to join in to vent their mindless agression with no mean spiritedness or negative rammifications, I was doing pretty damn good. And then I caught this cold.

Now my chest is filled with the fire of a thousand angry, vengeful suns. And mucus.

August 25th, 2008

Potter, let Malfoy kick it old school or it's detention!

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I am still carefully and precisely stitching pikes into my hat. It's amazing to watch a garden of the impaled really come alive. Figuratively speaking.

I've also been knitting the Hemlock Ring blanket and loving the Cascade Ecological Wool. And I had an idea to modify the beginning of the pattern into a hat, but I don't need another hat yet. *L*

In other news...

I've got to get rid of this other job. I knew it last Friday when I was dragging through the job I actually like and generally forgetting the definition of 'work ethic'. I knew it for certain this morning when Diane looked at me and said, 'You're really not yourself today,' after I was generally acting like a grumpy, hundred year old man because I was thinking about having to work the other job tomorrow. And I know it now, because I'm letting it get to me and drag me down.

I'm not all that 'up' to begin with, so I don't need to be any further down.

But... PIKES! *stitches*

Also, am I the only one? Every time I see a commercial for the new movie 'Traitor', all I can think of is Snape, and it makes me want to read Snape fic. *L*

March 24th, 2008

Rrrr.

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I washed my pay check. Washed it. What the fuck is wrong with my brain? I've been half-convinced that I have adult ADD for a while now, but this is the second paycheck I have had to replace in the last three months. And I haven't even gone to the HR mngr to request a new one because she has not let me forget - as if I would - that I had to replace one three months ago. I was so furiously searching for it and swearing and tantruming this morning before work that I got there and people thought I was hung over, apparently because I managed to work myself into such a state that I was walking around with my hair in my face, hunched defensively, and snarling at everyone. That's normal when I have to be to work at 6:30am, but not so much by 10.

The other reason I didn't go to HR about it yet was that I knew I was going to have to talk myself out of shouting at her to FIX IT NOW because the last paycheck took two weeks to replace, and I know how badly I need the money NOW, and even though it's my fault, I want to yell at her because it takes so long. So since I know that's not fair (even though she is totally worthless and in general deserves yelling at for many things), I decided I had to calm down a day.

I did mention it to my one friend Catherine, who works in the dungeons vault (technically called bookkeeping), and an hour later, the other woman who works down in the dungeons in the vault with her, my friend Diane, appeared with $60 to loan me until we get our bonus checks this Sunday (thank the Goddess I'll have some money coming in sooner than two fridays from now), and I just couldn't believe that she would be so nice. Really, I mean, I don't think I have to mention how difficult it can be to work with me, and I know how incredibly unpopular I am in general, that was incredibly kind and generous and wonderful of her. So I am going to knit her something in thanks.

Oh, but I was an absolute beast the rest of the day to the poor people I am in charge of - only if they deserved it, of course, but then instead of being a good supervisor, I ripped their sodding heads off. I'm such a bully, too, I snarl and it makes me feel better. I snapped and snarled and berated and outright shouted and stomped off.

That's so horrible, isn't it? I'm horrible. I don't deserve anyone caring about my money woes, and yet someone did. It's rather humbling, really.

So anyway (moment of humble guilt has passed, as I knew it would), work is having a pot luck, and I have promised everyone that I will not poison them, ie, attempt to cook. Though I still do want to bring my tray of green cookies for the Gryffindors with a sign that says 'NOT POISON' just to freak them out.

Oh also, there's this stupid local festival that's happening April 10-13th, and they're trying to get people to ride the Load-n-Go and throw candy in the parade on Sunday, so I requested off with that as my reason even though I have no intention of actually doing so. Well, I tell myself that I might, but I might as well be honest and admit that I won't, because I hate parades and I hate festivals.

See what I mean? Horrible.

Obviously I'm losing sleep over it. At least I admit it, right? Sure.

March 8th, 2008

blizzardy

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Skived off work today...since there's a blizzard going on and everything. Store manager tried to get me to come in anyway, to which my only response was Sorry 'boutcha.

Working on the Gryffindork scarf I'm knitting for Kristen, it's coming along. I've been angsting over this difficult hat pattern, so it's nice to be able to just knit in the round for a while without worrying about anything but getting the stupid gold bands in the right place. I'd do a picture, but I'm feeling too lazy.

Oh there, I moved away from the cat for five minutes and she's come to find where I've gone. Bwuh.

Woke up last night at 2 am and couldn't get back to sleep until after 6 am...then the alarm went off at 8. Bah. But after I called in, I couldn't go back to sleep, so I just got up. That's going to fuck me up something awful, since we're springing ahead tonight AND I have to open tomorrow. Fortunately the blizzard warning will end for my area three whole hours before I have to work, so maybe it won't be too terrible a drive in? This blizzard, by the by, started yesterday, and it was bad enough driving. The roads have a few inches of ice on them and then a foot of snow on top of that. Some areas are actually making it illegal to be out on the roads (which is unheard-of in Ohio), and a lot of local businesses are closed today. Not, of course, the Depot.

Okay, cat meowing quite insistantly. Gone.

February 26th, 2008

So ready to get the hell out of town

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There is nothing quite like having an irate customer spot you in the parking lot later and pick up his ranting where he left off. Granted, I can handle it, but what sane man in his fifties approaches a young woman in her late twenties in a parking lot to scream at her that his debit card works everywhere else in an accusatory fashion, and then gets further upset because said twentysomething is smirking at his idiocy? Who does that?

And not to mention, there's something really amusing about a man with a Colonel Sanders moustache/beard jumping out of a pickup and shouting, "YOU!" to get my attention. Amusing and disturbing at the same time. Set your tasers.

But I still maintain that it isn't possible for it to have been my fault his debit card was declined by our system, and thus I am not certain why I deserved to be screamed at.

OH VACATION, THERE YOU ARE.

By five o'clock today, I will officially be on vacation. No assholes until next Thursday!

February 21st, 2008

Fenrir! AND work triumph

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Movie Fenrir is here! He's pretty hot, for a man. :} Also, when I saw this entry, Tweak said, "Voldemort for President!" which I found ironic. And highly amusing.

Oh yes, some annoyingly long-winded man accosted me at work today to spread his love for Ron Paul and ranted about localised governments for about ten minutes. I stared at him flatly the entire time, and he finally went away. He could have been talking about any candidate, and I would have reacted the same. I am at work. I do not care what you have to say to me.

Also, work related: I finally did what I have been longing to do since day one. I have heard so many complaints that the self-check outs are going to take cashier's jobs, and since I don't run a register (I am teh boss, I don't have to!) I do end up overseeing the self check outs, so I have even been told myself many a time that they are going to take MY job, which just drives me crazy because um, no they aren't. Finally, the other morning (it is always bad for me to deal with the public in the mornings), an old man got in my face and said, 'You're all going to be out of a job thanks to these things!' to which I said, "I don't care."

I have wanted to say that for one year and nine months. I don't care.

He blinked, and looked at me, startled, and asked, "What?"

I shrugged, and repeated myself. "I don't care." It was lovely: Simple, effective, to the point, and said with utter certainty. I relished the syllables flowing off my tongue.

As you can imagine, I expected further comment, but to my surprise, he turned away, grabbed his reciept, and left with a flustered expression.

I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE! HAHA! I did a victory dance.

And then I stole a cup of coffee from the karaffe Contractor Services puts out for the customers*. Take that.



===
*Most stores, the people who work at Contractor Services make the coffee. At this store, the head of the department (who is a man), doesn't think men should have to make coffee. Management has tried to make my department do this, and thus make it my responsibility. I, however, am not his secretary, peon, mother, or wife, and he has learned that someone from his department WILL make the coffee, or the coffee does not fucking get made**.

**And when some asshole associate walks up to me and the first thing out of their mouth is, 'Did you forget to make the coffee? Where's the coffee?' he gets clubbed with the fucking caraffe***.

***Not to mention, it's FOR THE CUSTOMERS. How dare he get snotty with me because I didn't make the coffee and thus he could not have some, when he isn't allowed to drink it in the first place?
===

February 6th, 2008

Oh work, sometimes you amuse.

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Last night the closer called off, so I worked 11-9:30, which is a shift length ASMs and SMs usually only get. I was just glad I hadn't come in any earlier. It wasn't an intolerable length, but I was irritated because I know the guy wasn't sick. His vacation started today. It was the only day he worked this week. Hello, dumbass: Request the full week off instead of screwing yourself and more importantly me! Quite a nice way to pay me back for switching with him so he could have the Superbowl off. I don't care if it benefitted me too, I will never ever do him a favour again.

I was rather irritable and shouty, too. Of course, wouldn't you be, if you were a lone Slytherin forced to close with a pair of self-righteous Gryffindors? They were ganging up on me all night. I think I yelled at every one of my subordinates, including Eric, who, poor guy, was with me 12-9. I ended up kicking him out early because we were having this argument about the timeclock and he was pissing me off. It wasn't even a real arguement, I was telling him about the incriments of minutes it rounded, and how it calculated those, and he would not stop telling me that I was wrong because it should be done a different way. I don't care how he thinks it should be done, that isn't the way it's done! I told him I was just informing him how it worked, so he should fucking stop arguing with me about it, but he wouldn't, so I made him go clock out early for a practical example of how the timeclock rounds.

He wasn't the only person I drove out of the building. At about six minutes till closing, I had a customer walk in the door. One of my biggest pet peeves is customers sneaking in a) before the store is technically open in the morning and b) right before close or later. This is because I hate the customers and don't care if they want to shop, those are MY minutes they are fucking with. NO ONE fucks with MY minutes. As Eric, and this man, learned. So I watched him rush in, and as I walked past him, I said, "You have four minutes." Maybe not the nicest greeting in the world, but just the fact that he was there made him a rude jerkoff. Unless your toilet has just exploded and it is an EMERGENCY, fuck off, okay?

"My clock says I have seven," he snapped.

"Well mine says you have four," I shot back.

"That's because you're a cheat," he grumbled, and stalked off.

Oh. Really.

I was considering refusing to let him buy anything, but he was back not two minutes later, empty-handed and practically running, as if he was expecting retaliation for the comment. Not to disappoint, as he passed me, I turned from the customer I was helping (helping to leave quicker) and loudly called him an ass. Which made the Gryffindor on my right burst out laughing. The lady I was helping didn't comment, and I turned back to her and continued to be perfectly pleasant.

So, my two Gryffindors: To tell you what I had to deal with, the first (the one who I just recently did the gift exchange with) fancies herself another Hermione, and the other identifies closest, out of every character in the HP universe, with Tonks (who was a Hufflepuff, but we're not splitting hairs. Even I think that was dumb). TONKS. And HERMIONE.

TONKS and HERMIONE.

So of course the entire night I was getting called a dirty Slytherin, a greasy git, and having my grooming habits questioned. Hermione left me notes on my shrink plan that said things like, "S needs to get laid by a Gryffindor", "S wants to have Gryffindor babies," etc, and they quite enjoyed ganging up on me. As I pointed out, Gryffindors work best in groups, when they can bully to their heart's content with no chance of a fair fight. They did not contest this, however.

So I have decided that on Saturday, when they both work again, I am going to bring in cookies. I'm going to lace a small portion of those cookies with a deadly poison with green food colouring, and place them on their own plate with a sign that says, "For Gryffindors Only (not poison! really!)" or something like that. If I thought I could get away with it, I would put a laxative in them, but I'm pretty sure I would get fired for that. Maybe a repeat when I've found myself another job.

December 18th, 2007

It's beginning to get very annoying around here.

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Well, you can tell Christmas is close. The customers are bigger assholes than usual. I ♥ my job.

Lucius and Salvatore randomly decided to visit me at work today, which annoyed me. I refuse to introduce them to people any more, but it doesn't matter, because it seems that my relationship with Lucius is for some reason a hot topic of gossip, one that has lasted even the seven months I was away. It was very startling for me to realise that it was being talked about. I only told a few trusted people about him, when he used to come in and see me before (when he made up stupid excuses to travel a half hour out of his way to shop at a store he never frequents and always 'forgot', after he arrived, what he'd come for), but now people I hardly know have heard about who the very expensively-dressed, loud-mouthed, arrogant idiot is that's visiting me. I have learned that everything has been speculated upon, from how we even got together in the first place to why I dumped him after we'd been engaged for almost a year to why we haven't got back together yet.

...

Ugh.

So now I really don't like him to visit, even more than I didn't like him to visit before, and of course they arrived right before I got done, so after that, trying to get out of the store quietly was impossible, because they wanted to walk around and investigate everything, loudly. Every action and sound that comes forth from those two is designed to gain attention, and it works. And they took us past the customer service department, which is the most gossippy of all. I could hardly meet anyone's eyes, not that I usually do anyway, but this time it was out of embarrassment instead of a general, naturall aversion to looking at people (it's weird but true, I don't know how many times I have been asked to describe a customer, and I never can, because even if I do look directly at them, I stare right through them and don't see a thing). So of course that meant that someone would want to stop me and say hello, and they would take the opportunity to get everyone else's attention and flirt with everyone. Salvatore amuses me most in that regard; I admit that I haven't had a lot of gay men for friends (but then I haven't had many friends), but he is the first gay man I have met who loves to flirt with women and is not happy unless he is surrounded by a cloud of female admirers. I'm sure it happens, I just haven't seen it. If you haven't, I assure you, it's funny. And since the customer service department is all women, I had to almost bodily drag them both out of there.

Salvatore showed me the specs on a laptop he is thinking of buying, and I about had an orgasm. But that is neither here nor there.

Tonight I am just lying in bed, since I've felt exhuasted since last Friday morning, and reading fanfic. Which also means that I am running a gauntlet of human emotion, which sums up my love-hate relationship with fanfic. Feeling strong emotions is novel and a guilty pleasure, but at the same time, strong emotions wear me out and drive me round the bend.

December 14th, 2007

today (and not any other)

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Took advantage of the sale and made myself permanantly insane. So glad I never dished out that $150 for LJ, man. Sorry to all y'all who did.

---

At work, I have been informed by various people that I am a "bitch", a "jerk", a "smart-ass", and a "really big jerk". *wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide smile*

Oh and it has been speculated that I will never get another promotion because I laugh at the store manager when he's angry at me. Whoops.

Alternately, I have also been informed that I am "hilarious". So suck it up, subordinates.

Oh, but I've also been informed that I am a loser because I have read a book. No seriously, this girl claims that she has only ever finished one book in her life, and the only other books she read were for school and she skipped around because certain parts weren't on the test. o.O So I informed her she shouldn't go advertising that fact and generally made her feel stupid, but apparently I am still a loser. I could tell my attempts to embarrass her worked, however, because she sort of squealed it and stomped away. Ahhh, pregnant cheerleaders. Really, I try not to stereotype, but when you make it so easy...

---

So I was recently angry at Lucius because he was throwing darts at Zubrich, and managed to hit him in both ankles. Then he threw a dart that buried itself in the chair I was sitting in, four mere inches from my shoulder. These are metal tipped darts that he has, ahem, sharpened, for some reason. And when I yelled at him for almost hitting me, he looked completely unrepentant and said, "So? You're not special."

...

Oh.

So - ah - I may have taken a very heavy glass ashtray in hand and thrown it at his head. And it may have connected with his wrist bone when he ducked, causing him to swear and thrash in pain. Which might have made me smile. A bit. Especially when he complained later that it bruised.

I don't like violence, you understand. I don't like being violent. I am not proud of the violence in my past, nor am I proud of throwing glass ashtrays at people's heads - even if they deserve it - but sometimes verbal dressing downs are simply not effective in making people regret making me angry.

So that is that.


Let me leave my friends list with this sterling pearl of wisdom, from me and my Lucius to you:

[20:56] LuciusMalfoy: it's supposed to snow this weekend. why, i ask you?
[20:56] thesnapelyone: Because it is winter.
[20:56] LuciusMalfoy: again with the logic.
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